WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm passing your future prison.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
