So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
