chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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