you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just puked most of my soul out..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
