I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
