The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
