things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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