Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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