My hand turned me down
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
