We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
