I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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