She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
