life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize