Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
