I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
