I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
