I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
