so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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