she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
