yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
