Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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