I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
