Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
