And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
