You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
