It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
