Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
