I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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