i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
