How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
