I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
