I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
