god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
