And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
