This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're too hungover to prance.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
