I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sext me about skeletons
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
