i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
