YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
