The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
