Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
