do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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