if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
