We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize