i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
