Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
