I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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