got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
