Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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