I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
