Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
