In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize