i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
