And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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