I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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