come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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