I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
