and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
