A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
