He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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