It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
