dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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