a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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