home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize