GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
