Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
