Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
