Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this just has baby written all over it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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