I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
