You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
