i was born a porn star she said
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
