The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
