I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
