Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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