Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no you cant smoke seaweed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
