fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
