you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
