My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
